Out With Objectivism, In With Utilitarianism....

...because I was really getting too tired of thinking all the time. I have studied Objectivism for the past year, and have found certain flaws in it tha tmake me think Ayn Rand was nothing but a crazy cultist whim-worshipping witch doctor! Deep rooted conflicting questions lie at the heart of Objectivism, like

1. How will taxes be levied in an objectivist nation?
2. How practical would privatized road systems be?
3. How far does the right to bear arms extend?
4. Who will think of the children?

Suffice to say, I have been attracted to utilitarianism for its no-nonsense approach to these sorts of problems, where the answer is always, "whatever the majority thinks." No thinking required!

The theory that majority rule constitutes an infallible source of ethics rests on four main premises:

1. Reason is impotent, rendering reality unknowable.
2. The location of groups of people affects ethics, as what is right for one body of people is not right for another.
3. The number of individuals in a given group matters. If there are 1 man and one woman on an island, the utility is maximized when they each maintain their autonomy. If there are one girl and three men on an island, the utility is maximized when the three guys rape the girl. The actions of each scenario are equally ethical in Utilitarianism.
4. There are no such things as "rights". Tautologically, rights are universal. There are no universals in Utilitarianism. We are moral relativists. By logical extension, the laws of science are subjective, meaning they are not the same for everyone. 2+2=4 works for me, but for you, who knows! So become a utilitarian today!

Utilitarianism is awesome. When reason gives me an answer that I don't like ("8 dollars per hour at my job times 8 hours leaves me with 64 dollars... but I wanna million dollars!"), I simply evade analytic and synthetic evidence, stomp up and down on the ground in a hissy fit, and make up my own rules on survival. Because you can choose to live rationally... or you can ignore reality and hope to survive anyway. We choose the latter. Join us.


This might be a good place for a disclaimer. This site is a parody meant to demonstrate how ridiculous Utilitarianism is, especially in its attacks on Objectivism, which is the only rational philosophy out there.